Fractured Fairy Tales
by senshixdoukeshi
Summary: What happens when beloved childrens' fairytales meet the cast of Gundam Wing? Insanity insues...


AN:  This is the first of hopefully short one-shot fairytale parodies (if they're longer than a chapter I might post them separate).  Each story's title will tell you what story it's based after and what characters you should expect.  So if there's a pairing you don't like steer clear of the story, K?

Disclaimer:  Cancers are red

                     Pisces are blue

                     I don't own Gundam Wing

                     So you can't sue

            So there!…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH (races away from the herd of lawyers barreling toward her)

Who Knew Frogs Haggled

 A.K.A. The Frog Prince

Warnings (For this particular story only):  Heterosexual (yes that is a warning just so yaoi fans can't flame me… not that they would ***narrows eyes menacingly*** But one can't be too careful) Mild Relena bashing (nothing serious, I just make her kind of a ditz), and sap up the kazoo….

Pairing: 5+S (and for all the newbies who don't know S=Sally) 

Italics denotes thoughts 

***** denotes scene change

On to the story!

            Once upon a time1 there was a great and benevolent king.  He had a beautiful wife from the Far East.  She was gentle and kind and would often go out into the kingdom as a healer.  One day she bore him a child, but sadly, died in the process.  The king was devastated but vowed to love their child, a daughter, always.  Several years later the king remarried.  His new queen was kind and gentle as well and soon bore him another daughter.  A few years later the queen died in a horrible carriage accident and seeing his bad luck streak concerning wives he decided he'd just rely on his daughters to marry well.

            One-day the king's second daughter, Relena, was playing out in the garden.  She was a beautiful girl to behold at fifteen.  Her long wheat tresses were held back by two small braids and the rest fell in a straight sweep to the middle of her back.  Her eyes were the same blue as the sky on a clear day and her skin was a soft peach.  She wandered about the gardens, humming and tossing her favorite toy, a small gold ball, into the air to catch.  As chance would have it, she was passing by the garden pond when she failed to catch the ball.  The small sphere bounced and landed into the murky water with a soft plop.

            Distraught, the princess knelt on the bank of the pond and wept.  Her tears were interrupted by a commanding voice clearing his throat.  With a sniffle the princess raised her head to peer around her.  Her brow creased in confusion when she saw no one.

            "Much better." Came the voice again and she looked at the pond and saw a small frog perched on a lily pad nearby. "Tears will not solve a problem."

            "Who are you?" she asked.

            "I am Chang WuFei." The small creature bent its forelegs giving the girl a bow. "But that does not matter.  What is your obviously dire problem?"2

            "My golden ball has fallen into the pond and I can not get it back." She replied sorrowfully.

            "You're crying over a lost toy?" the frog asked incredulously.

            "It is my dearest possession." She answered mournfully.

            "Why can you not retrieve it yourself?  The water is not deep."

            "The pond is dark, what if some foul creature hurts me?  Besides I would soil my hands and my clothes."

            "This all seems rather ridiculous, but if you would like, I shall help you."

            "Would you?" Relena asked hopefully.

            "Yes, but on one condition."

            "I'll give you any treasure you desire."

            "I have no want of treasure." WuFei replied.  "If I retrieve your ball I want you to promise to take me to the castle.  To let me eat from your plate, to drink from your cup, and to sleep on your pillow as your companion."

            "Of course!" the princess eagerly swore.

            "Very well, I shall trust your word of honor." 

And with that he turned and jumped into the pond with a small splash.  After a moment he reappeared carrying the small gold toy in his mouth.  He dropped the metallic sphere on the bank before climbing up himself.  Relena, in her delight of having her toy back, jumped up with it in her hand and rushed toward the castle, leaving the frog behind. 

"Wait!" he called, "I can not run as you do!  Princess!"

Hearing him, Relena slowed a step or two before shaking her head and running toward the palace all the more quickly.  There was no way she would share her plate, her cup, or especially her pillow with a slimy pond toad.  She slammed the castle doors with such force that the servants stared.  Ashamed at her unlady-like behavior, Relena demurely turned to the hall that led to her quarters to prepare for dinner.

*****

            That evening, Relena was seated at the table with her father and sister when a servant came to her.

            "Your Majesty, I beg forgiveness for the interruption, but your daughter, Her Highness, Princess Relena has a caller." The servant bowed to those gathered at the table.

            "A visitor?  At this hour?" Relena stated, standing and following the servant to the door.  

            She gasped when she saw a small frog waiting patiently by the door.  He looked up at her with calm black eyes.

            "I believe you forgot something back at the pond." The amphibian spoke mildly.

            "I forgot nothing." Relena retorted defensively.

            "And what of our agreement?" the frog's tone darkened.

            "What agreement?" the king stepped forward to regard the two.

            "I retrieved her gold ball from the bottom of the pond and all I asked in return was to eat from her plate, drink from her cup, sleep on her pillow, and be her companion."

            "Did you promise this?" the king turned to his daughter.

            "I offered him any riches he'd want!" Relena returned.

            "But I have no need of riches or treasure." The amphibian croaked irritably.

            "I did not ask if you were willing to give him treasure.  I asked if you promised to be his companion."

            "Yes," Relena caved desperately, "But you cannot mean for me to have to share my things with so foul a creature!"

            "I am not deaf, nor am I a dumb frog." WuFei puffed up with affronted dignity.

            "If you gave your word then you shall fulfill the request." The king admonished his daughter gravely.

            "But father-"

            "A princess will always remain true to her word.  Do I make myself clear?"  The king frowned at the dejected girl.

            "Yes father." She pouted. "Come along then frog." She turned to the dining room again.

            "I have a name." The frog groused justifiably, hopping after the princess reluctantly.

            Once in the dining room he hopped to Relena's chair and looked up at said girl.  The princess feigned interest in her food to spare herself from having to gaze at the wretched toad.  Tapping one green webbed foot impatiently, the amphibian cleared his throat loudly.  The princess continued to ignore him, picking at the food on her plate sullenly.

            "Well," The frog sighed, "if you want something done right…"

            Crouching down as low as he could, the small animal narrowed his eyes gazing at his goal as he gathered his strength.  With a soft grunt he launched himself into the air.  He barely managed to grasp the edge of the princess' chair, but once he had a grip held on with fierce tenacity.  With immense patience he pulled himself the rest of the way onto the chair.  He rested there but a moment before fixing his eyes on his next target.  Gathering his strength he made another long powerful jump.

            Relena flinched back form the table as the frog struggled to pull itself up over the edge of the table.  With a final heave, the frog pulled the rest of its body up only to drop to the table in exhaustion.  Relena's stunned stare made her elder sister raise an eyebrow and gaze at what had so shocked her sister.  The elder daughter, Sally, was an obvious blend of her parents.  Her honey-gold tresses were bound into two twists that fell over her shoulders.  Her eyes were the same pale blue as the cornflowers that dotted the fields every spring and were oddly slanted, a trait she had inherited from her mother.  Another of her mother's traits was the ivory color of her skin.  Her lips were full and the shade of red so deep and vivid it shamed the rose.  She had an air of stern gentleness about her.  She regarded the dinner guest with a small amount of surprise but inquired nothing as she returned to her meal.

            After a moment of labored breathing, the frog turned to Relena.

            "Princess, please turn your goblet this way.  I am quite parched and wish to have a drink."

            Relena grimaced at the frog's words but a look from her father made her sigh and she grasped the golden cup, tipping it so the creature could grip the rim with its small webbed forefeet and dip its mouth into the goblet's contents.  When the animal had finished, Relena set the cup aside, knowing that she would feel no thirst for the rest of the meal.  Her appetite vanished as well as the small frog began to take small morsels from her plate.

            "Sally," the king coughed into his hand a moment before turning to his daughter. "About your latest suitor…"

            "He does not please me." The princess answered, her voice husky and soft.

            "But he was such a nice young man."

            "He thought my habits ridiculous." She replied seriously.

            "What habits?"

            "My acting as a healer to the people of the kingdom."

            "What?"

            "He did not think the "commoners" worth the time and he does not think a woman should be a healer.  He said such an occupation is better left to a man."

            "Oh," the king sank dejectedly into his chair. "But he was the thirteenth one!"

            "None of them please me and none will.  Father, I have no wish to marry, you know that."

            "But Sally, I only want what's best for you."

            "I wish to be a healer like my mother.  Is that not why you gave me her books." She countered calmly. "Have them court Relena, they prefer her anyway."

            "I only wish to see you happily married!"

            "It will never be." The princess' tone remained low and patient even as the king began to roar.

            WuFei watched with detached amusement, approving of the princess' level-headedness.  

            Relena yawned and stood abruptly. "I'm tired, I believe I shall retire early."

            She rushed toward the door, hoping the king was too distracted arguing with Sally to notice she had left the frog.

            "Ahem."

            The stern grunt made her freeze and she slowly turned around.

            "Yes Father?" her voice was near inaudible.

            "Aren't you forgetting something?" the king pointed to the amphibian that was staring at her peevishly.

            "What?" she asked. "He got onto the table himself, why can't he get down?"

            "I can get down by myself, thank you.  However, I do not wish to be left behind again."

            "And what am I to do about that?" she snapped.

            "It's difficult to keep up with you.  I would appreciate it if you would carry me." The frog replied.

            "Touch a toad?  That's disgusting!" Relena shook her head in distaste.

            Her father leveled her with a stern warning stare.  With a look of pure revulsion on her face, Relena made her way over to the table and plucked up the frog between her thumb and index finger.  She held the aquatic animal at arms length as she made her way to her chambers, a look of disgust twisting her pretty features.  Once she was in her room, she carelessly dropped the small amphibian onto the floor and made her way to her vanity.  She picked up a brush and flopped on her bed, releasing her hair as she sat.

            "I cannot believe father made me be civil to that disgusting toad! Ugh!"

            "Excuse me."

            She looked down at the irate frog that hopped toward her angrily. "First of all, it is dishonorable to even attempt to break a promise, secondly I am a frog, not a toad and my name is WuFei.  And lastly," he gathered himself at the edge of the bed and leapt up onto the mattress.  "I distinctly remember the words "sleep on your pillow" in our agreement." He huffed and began crawling toward the horrified girl's pillows.  

            The fact that the terrible creature was on her bed was enough to turn her stomach, but to even fathom it resting its slimy body on one of her satin pillows was simply too much.

            "There was no agreement!" she screamed, her anger raging in her. "You tricked me!"

            She grabbed the small amphibian.

            "Get off my bed you wretched beast!" she cried as she threw the slimy toad with all her might.

            The frog's tiny body hit the wall with a sickening smack.  Relena cowered back from disgust as the small green speckled body fell limply to the floor.

            "Relena!  How could you do such a thing to this innocent creature!" Sally demanded as she rushed in and scooped the unconscious frog up into gentle hands.

            "He's not innocent!" Relena wailed. "He's horrible!  He's nothing but an ugly slimy worthless toad!"

            "Relena." Sally scolded gravely. "I thought that you were more mature than this.  Apparently I was wrong."

            The elder princess left her half-sister disappointed in the young woman.  She carefully checked the small body cradled gently in her hands.  Though she could tell he was hurt, the frog still drew breath.  She hurried to her chamber, wondering how on earth she would heal a frog.

            Entering her chamber she gently set the frog down on one of the silk pillows covering the head of her bed before beginning to dig through her herbs and medicines.  After much searching, however, she could still think of no way to help the injured animal.  With a defeated sigh she realized she would have to wait until he woke up before she could care for him.  Changing for bed she climbed onto the massive mattress3 before resting her head on the pillow next to the one the frog lay on.  She would have to wait until the morning.

*****

            WuFei wearily opened his eyes, a dull ache sang through his body and it took a moment to realize that he was resting on a silk pillow.  He shifted and lifted his head to look around him.

            "Hmmm, awake I see.  You had me worried for a little while." Came a soft, gentle voice from above him.  WuFei looked up to see the elder princess smiling down at him.  She sat on the bed next to his pillow and reached out a hand.

            "Do you hurt anywhere?" she asked stroking his head and back with gentle fingers.

            "All over actually." He admitted softly gazing up at her in confusion.

            "Probably bruises.  I have a cold cream that could help but I don't know if I can use it on you safely."

            "I'll be fine." He replied closing his eyes in pleasure as she continued to stroke his head and back.

            "Are you sure?" she asked again and accepted his nod with one of her own. "Are you hungry then?  Thirsty perhaps?"

            "Yes, I am." He replied somewhat dazedly.

            "Well, I don't have any insects ready.  I suppose I could take you out into the garden." She mused.

            "I'd much prefer human fare4, if it's not too much trouble." WuFei replied.

            "How strange!" she murmured. "I was not aware that frogs ate human food.  I thought they ate insects."

            "Most do." WuFei sighed, "I'm the exception."

            "I know." She smiled gently and stood, retrieving a tray from a nearby table. "I was only teasing you."

            She set the tray on the bed and WuFei could see a full plate of food and a saucer next to it as well as a full tea set and two cups.

            "Eat as much as you like." She began cutting the food into smaller bites that would be easier for the frog to handle.

            "Thank you." He said as he began to gingerly crawl toward the tray before a gentle hand scooped him up.

            "Be careful." The princess admonished as she set the frog carefully on the tray. "I don't want those injuries getting any worse."

            He nodded and began to slowly eat the food set before him.  He watched as she filled both cups with tea from the pot and looked expectantly at him.

            "Sugar?  Cream?"

            "No, thank you" he replied, surprised that the princess was pouring for them; she was a fount of surprises.  Then his gaze turned searching.

            "What happened?" he inquired softly.  "I remember being on Relena's bed, then everything's a blur."

            "It should be." Sally frowned at the memory angrily. "Relena threw you across the room!"

            Seeing the tiny animal droop in dejection, her gaze turned sympathetic.  "I'm afraid she's used to getting her way.  She lost her temper."

            "I thank you for your concern and care." WuFei sighed and managed a small bow. "I am WuFei."

            "Well, it was my pleasure, WuFei." Sally smiled liking the unusual amphibian's name.  

            She then stood and WuFei stared at the simple green dress that the princess wore.  The skirt swung about her calves, high enough not to be a bother but still modest.  The sleeves were long but ended at her elbows, leaving her forearms free from cloth and ruffs.  A practical apron donned the front of the simple garment.  The princess looked more like a peasant then royalty.  She tied a white kerchief around her head to keep any stray locks of hair out of her face.  She began to collect a basket together before noticing the amphibian's intrigued expression.

            "I'm going out to the village today." She explained simply.  "Would you like to come?"

            WuFei nodded and climbed into the basket.  He was surprised by the various vials, bottles, cloths, packets, and plants contained therein.  He was further surprised when they reached the village and the people flocked to Sally for herbs and remedies.  The kind princess visited many a sickbed that day with WuFei by her side regardless of the looks or comments his presence brought.

            At the end of the day as Sally carried WuFei in her now empty basket back to the palace she tripped on a stone that lay near the garden pond.  She only stumbled, however, an item fell out of her apron pocket, landing in the pond with a small plop.

            "Oh, no!" she cried, dropping to her knees beside the pond.  She gently set the basket down and peered into the murky water, distraught.  Wanting to help the princess, WuFei hopped up to the edge of the basket, but before he could tell her he'd gladly retrieve whatever she had lost, Sally rolled up one sleeve the rest of the way and dipped her hand into the pond.  After a moment of searching she smiled triumphantly and drew a small gold necklace from the water.  The glittering piece of jewelry was tarnished by pond scum and mud so the princess took her apron and began cleaning the charm that dangled from the delicate chain.

            "What is that, princess?" WuFei inquired politely.

            "This is the key to my mother's herbal." Sally showed the simple brass key to the stunned frog. "I usually keep it around my neck but the clasp broke.  I carry it with me always." 

            "I was not aware that the Queen knew herbology5."

            "She doesn't.  Relena and I are only half-sisters.  My mother died in childbirth.  She left me her herbal and her legacy.  I will never let her knowledge die."

            WuFei gazed at her in awe and amazement.  He pondered all he'd learned as she resumed the trip back into the palace.

            As the days passed Sally found a companion in the small frog she had saved from her sister's wrath.  The polite amphibian accompanied her everywhere and the king soon grew to joking that she'd marry the tiny animal before one of her many suitors.  But as the days grew to weeks, WuFei began to grow more and more depressed.  With alarm Sally discovered that her little friend was beginning to have difficultly speaking, he was starting to catch insects, and display other animalistic behaviors.

            The princess sighed as she gazed at her small companion perched on her windowsill.  With each passing day he grew farther and farther away, but was unfailingly polite despite his obvious misery.  Seeing that WuFei had fallen asleep on the sill she gently scooped him up and deposited him on his pillow on their bed.  Lying down beside him, she tenderly pet the small speckled back with a sad frown.  She wished with all her heart that she could help him.  It frightened her how much he meant to her.  Bending she placed a gentle kiss on top of the tiny triangular head.  With a sigh she nestled into her pillow and slipped into slumber.

            Sally stirred as something soft and warm brushed her lips.  Yawning she opened her eyes.

            "Ah, I see my sleeping beauty is awake." A gentle voice murmured.  

            Sally gasped and backed away once she'd gotten a good look at the speaker.  A beautiful young man knelt by her bed.  His jet-black hair hung in a loose cascade about his shoulders offsetting his ebony eyes.  His sharp angular features were set in dark bronzed skin.  He was obviously of Eastern origin.  Rich bright silks draped his body, the ceremonial robes marking him as royalty.  He watched her with unguarded tenderness, a gentle smile on his lips.

            "Who are you? And who told you that you could enter my chambers?" Sally demanded, frowning sternly.

            "I have always been welcome in your chambers." The mysterious man replied politely.

            "My father would never allow such a thing!"

            "He didn't, you did."

            "That's ridiculous!" Sally stood glaring.

            "No, it's not," the man suddenly took one of her hands. "You saved me."

            "What?" Sally looked down at the prince in confusion; something about him seemed so familiar.

            "Do you not recognize you faithful companion, princess?"6

            Looking deep into those serene black eyes she saw the soul of her faithful little friend.

            "Wu…Fei?…" She whispered kneeling on the bed and touching his cheek. "But…how?"

            "Some time ago a sorceress cast a spell on me when I defeated her in a duel.  She thought I needed to learn humility and turned me into a frog.  There were only two things that could break the spell. She had to lift the curse or I had to be loved by a princess with a kind and pure heart.  She died before she could lift the curse and without her living magic I was slowly turning into a real frog.  I am actually prince of the Long clan, Chang WuFei.  Princess Sally, it was your kindness that rescued me.  I can never repay you, however, during our time together I believe I have fallen in love with you.  Please, I humbly ask for your hand…"

            "But my herbology…"she protested weakly.

            "I would never hold you away from your dreams." WuFei promised fiercely. "In fact, I would be honored if you allowed me to help you."

            "WuFei…" Sally threw her arms around the man who loved her.  She'd known that she loved the soul that had inhabited the frog, now she was prepared to love the man.  A gentle kiss was laid across her lips, sealing their love.

P.S. And for all you fairytale saps out there, they lived happily ever after.

Oh, come on!  It's the classic opener, I had to have it! WuFei strikes me as the kind of guy who would think that tears mean a life and death situation.  
  
WHAT?!?!?! She IS a princess, so her mattress is huge…. Fare: old English word for food.  I like stuff that's a tad archaic. Please excuse the serious lack of Queen in the story.  I really didn't know where to stick her, she just never seemed all that important. 

AN:  Well, what do you think?  This actually turned out WAY different than from how I actually envisioned it.  I originally wanted it to just be a funny parody.  If you have any favored fairytales you'd like me to do for this series just let me know.  I'm always up for suggestions. ^-^


End file.
